


How am I Supposed to Teach you to be Human?

by ChokeMeLikeYouChokeMe



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Car Chases, Depressed Dipper Pines, Drug Use, Human Bill Cipher, M/M, Older Dipper Pines, Self-Destruction, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:53:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27917794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChokeMeLikeYouChokeMe/pseuds/ChokeMeLikeYouChokeMe
Summary: Idk what that title is...Dipper and Mabel are back in Gravity Falls. Mabel is a complete bitch. Dipper is reaching a breaking point. And Bill wants to try out being human for awhile with the guidance of Dipper.
Relationships: Bill Cipher & Dipper Pines, Bill Cipher/Dipper Pines
Comments: 12
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first Gravity Falls fic. It'll probably suck but let's go!
> 
> (Also I'm new to this site and I haven't figured it all out yet...)

Welcome to GRAVITY FALLS

I turned away from the window, pressing my back against it. The bus was too quiet after all the other passengers had gotten off and the radio had been shut off due to too much static on all the stations. Mabel sat a few seats ahead of me, playing stupid games on her phone and occasionally punching the seat in front of her in frustration. I had been reading until I got carsick, then my music player died, so now all I could do was stare up at the ceiling and count the bolts in the roof.

After the fourth time of counting the bolts, the bus slowly squealed to a stop and the doors opened with a clang. My headache didn't approve of that at all. I slung my backpack onto one shoulder and my duffel bag on the other, tapping Mabel's foot as I passed to get her attention. She huffed and put her phone away, shoving her bags at me to carry. All she carried was her ridiculously large and sparkly purse.

Stepping off the bus, Grunkle Stan and Ford were already hugging Mabel and asking her about the past few years. I walked past them and put our bags in the trunk of Stan's car. All I wanted to do was get to the Mystery Shack and sleep. Well, try to at least. Hopefully, they were able to get us separate rooms because I'd pour glitter in my eyes before sharing a room with Mabel.

"Ah, there you are Dipper! I discovered more creatures and even some new mysteries to solve. Think you're up for it?" Grunkle Ford put an arm around my shoulder and squeezed lightly.

"Maybe tomorrow. I'm tired and have a headache right now." I mumbled, shutting the trunk and stepping away from his side hug. Grunkle Stan came up behind me and put me in a headlock, ruffling my hair.

"Ease up, Stanley, the boy has a headache."

"Sorry, kid." Stan let me go and patted me on the back. "It's just been awhile since we've seen you."

"It's fine. Can we just go, please?" I stuffed my hands in my jacket pockets and stared at the ground. The car ride was just Mabel chattering away about all her guy problems, which she always blamed the guy for her own toxicity. Not that she'd admit that. Arriving at the Mystery Shack, I grabbed our bags and followed the others inside. As soon as Mabel was inside, I heard shouts of "SURPRISE" and squealing from Mabel. It looked like almost everyone from town was packed in the Mystery sHack. Wendy, Soos, Grenda and Candy, McGucket, Pacifica, and a bunch of others. Ford took the bags from me and told me to say hi to everyone.

"Dipper, look at you!" Wendy hugged me. "You're even taller than I am by a few inches. And look at your hair, it falls over your eyes! Going through an emo phase like Robbie?"

I rolled my eyes. It barely even touched my eyelashes. She laughed and kept an arm around me as she looked into the crowd, "Hey Robbie! You weren't the only one with an emo phase!"

Robbie, who now had a man bun, laughed and nodded. "Worst and best years of my life. Welcome to the black parade, kid!"

I only listened to My Chemical Romance once, dickhead. I prefer The Neighborhood. **(Tooootally not projecting... Okay, maybe I am a little...)** Wendy got distracted by Mabel showing off her outfit and left me. I went upstairs and saw my bags in the attic. Mabel's weren't there and neither was the other bed. _Good._ I shut the door and flopped onto the bed, covering my head with the pillow. My headache grew until my head was pounding, then I finally gave in and took some meds. Why did they have to make so much noise?

"Hey kid, want some glitter waffles? They were regular waffles until Mabel spilled glitter into the batter." Stan greeted me as I walked downstairs. Decorations were still everywhere from last night's party that no one noticed I left.

"You missed all the fun last night, Dipper." Ford patted my shoulder as he walked past me to refill his coffee mug. Okay, maybe one person noticed. "We could've gotten you something for your headache so you could enjoy the party."

"I took some aspirin, but I was too tired to socialize." I glanced out the window at the surrounding forest, my body itching to go outside and be alone in the woods.

"Well, Wendy is going to be in town for a couple more days before heading back to university. Soos is going to be home and getting ready for his family road trip. Maybe you can stop by and see them today." Ford suggested and smiled at me. "Then later, you can join me in the basement if you like."

"Yeah, maybe, I'll think about it." I shrugged and rubbed the back of my neck. "I'm gonna go for a walk. See the woods again."

"Without glitter waffles? They're surprisingly delicious." Stan said before stuffing an entire corner of waffle in his mouth.

"Not hungry." I shrugged again and left the Mystery Shack without another word. The morning air was cool against my already cold skin and smelled like pine. It cleared my head for the time being. Heading in a random direction, I began to walk through the trees and mindlessly watch everything around me. Just observing nature without processing it. It was calming, relaxing my muscles that hadn't been that way in years. Eventually, the fresh air's effects wore off, and my empty head was filled with memories of that summer. It was all the good memories at first. Defeating gnomes with Mabel, looking for a lake monster with Soos and eventually hanging out with Stan in his boat. Hanging out on the roof with Wendy, watching crappy tv with Stan, and having breakfast at the diner instead of Stan's awful cooking. The corners of my lips turned up ever so slightly without it being forced.

The smile turned into a frown as the good memories were replaced with the bad memories. Everyone's constant teasing over the stupidest shit, Mabel getting her way or throwing a fit until we gave in, and whenever I tried to get my way it always backfired. Everything that could benefit me backfired because I just wasn't supposed to be happy. Why was it okay for Mabel to be selfish but not me? I was a jerk if I tried doing something for myself. It wasn't fair. _Life wasn't fair._ Wow, edgy teen comin' at ya.

I stopped walking and looked around. I didn't recognize this part of the woods. _'How long was I zoned out anyway? It's so quiet here... Eerily so...'_ Studying my surroundings, I noticed a weirdly shaped rock jutting out from behind a tree. It was too perfectly cut to be natural. Getting closer, I saw more of the stone. It was triangular with a stick-thin arm held out in wait for a handshake. I took a small step back as the single eye carved into the stone registered in my mind. Bill Cipher, Weirdmageddon, Mabel's forever summer, Ford offering me an apprenticeship, Mabel trusting Stan over me, Bill using my body as a puppet, Gideon summoning the demon. Those were the memories I tried to repress. But seeing Bill's stone tomb brought it all back, and I was much calmer than I should've been.

"So, this is what happened to you." I said to the statue as I sat down in front of it, leaning back on my palms. "A stone grave in the middle of the trees where no one bothers to go. Except me, apparently... You'd be happy to know that karma did not forgive me. My life's a living hell."

I sighed and laid down, staring up into the trees. "I wish karma had just killed me instead of torturing me. Or you could've killed me before taking the deal that got you killed. Shown a little mercy on me, you know?"

My hands clenched into fists as I thought about the past few years, and I turned my head to glare at the statue. "You could've killed me. Why didn't you? Did you know how tortuous life would become? Are you really that cruel?"

My glare faded and I stared back up into the trees. "I shouldn't be surprised. You're a demon. What more should I expect? You to fall in love with me like some weird, supernatural, romance novel?"

My thoughts wandered, thinking of different ways Weirdmageddon could've gone or what would've happened if we never came to Gravity Falls that summer. I made up conversations in my head with the friends I could've made. I thought about life in Weirdmageddon if we hadn't stopped it, thinking about the stupid deals we would make with Bill in an attempt to save each other or stop Odd-pocalypse. Or what would've happened if he killed Mabel or me when he had been so furious with us. I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I finally came back to the present, but it couldn't have been long. Standing up, I brushed myself off and stared down at the statue. "At least you won at something in the end. My misery. So, congratulations."

I reached out and grabbed the stone hand. A loud **_CRACK_** echoed off the trees, causing me to jump and freeze in place. Birdsong and the chatter of squirrels filled the air. I even saw a squirrel run up a nearby tree. I shivered as a breeze blew across my skin and rustled the trees. Stepping back from the statue, I stared at the unblinking eye for a few minutes, wary of what I had just done. But nothing was happening. I released the breath I didn't realize I was holding and turned away from the stone. Nothing happened. This forest is just weird. That's it.

_Right?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is short. It's pretty much just to say what happened with the other characters and where they're going to be for this story. It's kinda boring, so sorry about that. But there's more coming soon! Hopefully

Even after saving everyone, the townsfolk could care less about me. Sure, maybe I hadn't been the one to think of using the Memory Gun or even pulled the trigger, but I had a big role to play. Or maybe I was just telling myself that to make myself feel important...

Wendy ran into me on her way out of the diner and started talking about her life after everything went back to Gravity Falls normal. She graduated and went to university, changing her major three times already. Right now, she was taking business classes. The final thing she said was that she was on a break from dating and focusing on herself.

I told her I graduated high school and was still debating on college. Then that I just didn't care about dating. That was all pretty much a lie. I dropped out before my senior year and just got my GED instead. I made up my mind about not going to college. As for dating? Well, that wasn't a complete lie. No one wanted to date me, I accepted that, and stopped caring.

Wendy suggested that we hang out before her family plans, but I told her I'd have to take a raincheck. After promising to visit her up at the university, we said our goodbyes and I finally got to be alone again. I saw Mabel, Grenda, and Candy going into the mall and rolled my eyes. Definitely not going in there now.

Robbie drove by but stopped to ask how I was and all that. Though we didn't talk as long because he said he had to get home to his wife and daughter. I couldn't believe he had a kid, or that he grew out of his emo phase. I saw Gideon and he still had his ex-con bodyguards. He looked a lot like a young, white-haired version of his dad. Old Man McGucket was kicking and still just as insane. Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland were goofing around instead of doing their jobs. Not that that much crime happened around here for them to take care of. Toby Determined was still weird and slightly creepy, and Tyler Cutebiker was still mayor. Tad Strange was as boring as ever, Lazy Susan worked at the diner, some of Wendy's friends were around, and I never saw Pacifica. It was amazing how so much and so little could be changed at the same time.

Soos was at the park with his three kids and Melody and came up to talk to me too. After running the Shack for three years, Stan and Ford came back from their travels and moved back in. Soos moved back into his Abuelita's house, (who had died a year before that), with his family. He was still manager of the Mystery Shack as Stan stayed retired. (Stan didn't completely retire from being a con-man though...) Soos had apparently fixed his grandmother's house up quite a bit though.

I told him the same story I told Wendy before telling him that I needed to get going. I had already socialized way too much for one day in the middle of my interaction with Wendy. Now, I felt drained but didn't want to go back to the Shack where Ford could pester me about the mystery stuff. Maybe I could find a quiet place that wasn't full of weird statues, people, or creatures and just escape reality for a while.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post this sooner than I was planning... Somehow I have kept up writing this? Anyways. This one contains some fighting, homophobia, use of the slur f@g, some sexual stuff, the terms slut and whore are also used. Also, if I need to add tags to this book, let me know please!
> 
> This escalated a little quicker than I thought...

"Dipper!" I sighed in annoyance but didn't move as Mabel stomped into my room. She grabbed my arm that I had draped over my eyes and pulled me upright, glaring at me. "Where are my shoes!? I know you did something with them!"

I ripped my arm from her grip with a growl, "You left them outside because they got muddy, _remember?"_

"Well, go wash them off and bring them to me! I'm meeting the girls for breakfast in an hour!" She pulled me out of bed and shoved me towards the door. I glared at her before heading downstairs. Grunkle Stan and Ford were outside fiddling with some machine that I didn't care to ask about. I took a damp washcloth and sat on the porch to wash off Mabel's shoes.

_'Heaven forbid she do any work herself...'_ I thought to myself as I stared down at the shoes with a deep frown. Mabel had always been a little selfish, some in good ways and others bad, but after that summer when we were twelve, it went downhill. Maybe it was puberty or trauma, but neither of those excused what she did to me.

It started off small. She spent less time with me, even on days we made plans. There was more teasing than usual and most going too far. She got me in trouble for things that she did. She started ignoring me when I got bullied in school. The first time I realized who she had actually become was when we were fourteen.

_~Flashback~_

_"Hey, Mabel? Can I talk to you? It's really important." I stared at my feet nervously, wringing my hands together._

_"Sure, Shorty!" She patted the bed beside her. I flinched at the nickname and sat down on the edge of her bed. "What's the matter?"_

_"Well, I... I think I have a crush... On Bruce from math class? I don't really know what to do, and I figured you're the expert on crushes sooo..."_

_"Yeah, your last crush didn't turn out so well, did it?" Mabel hummed. I flinched again at the reminder of Wendy's rejection. I understood why she rejected me, but it still stung a little. "Let me think on that. I'll get back to you!"_

_"Does it bother your that it's a guy?"_

_"No, I don't care who you fall in love with." She shrugged. "Now, shoo! I need to think."_

_Little did I know that I just made the worst mistake in my life. It was worse than making that deal with Bill Cipher and having my body used as a puppet._

_Leaving first hour, I kept my head down and headed towards my locker to grab a book I forgot I needed in my next hour. My locker slammed shut just as I got it open, and I turned to see Bruce just a few inches from me. His hand was still on the locker behind me and his eyes stared into mine intensely. I swallowed and blushed like mad, pressing up against the lockers to get more space between us. I barely noticed his two friends behind him._

_"So, I've been told you got a crush on me!" Bruce spoke loud enough for everyone around us to hear. I glanced around as people looked at us, panic rising in my throat. This school wasn't known for its open-mindedness or acceptance of anything outside the norm._

_"I- No- I don't have a crush on you." I stammered, hugging my books to my chest. People were whispering to each other now and laughing._

_"I always knew you were a fag." One of Bruce's friends spoke up._

_"Hey, everyone! Dipstick wants to stick his dipstick in some guy's ass!" The other friend shouted and laughed, gaining even more attention. The two gave each other high-fives and nudged Bruce, who laughed as well._

_"I just wanted to clear up some things for you, Dipper Pines." Bruce got closer to my face that was about to be stained with my tears. "No one will ever love your ugly, disgusting, freaky self. And you're more stupid than I thought if you thought you could even have the smallest chance with me. Now, run and cry to your mother who can't stand to look at you either."_

_Bruce left with friends, all laughing, while I sunk to the floor and cried into my books. The locker door beside me opened, and I knew it was Mabel. "Why did you tell him?"_

_"Because I didn't want to listen to your incessant whining about him for who knows how long. Plus, the sooner you were rejected, the faster you'd get over it. I did you a favor." She slammed her locker shut and left just before the bell rang._

_~Flashback Over~_

After that, I avoided speaking to her and never trusted her again. She only got worse and worse from then on too. Now, she was everyone's favorite. She was just so sweet and caring and adorable! While I was moody, cold, and rebellious. Why couldn't I be more like her? Why did I turn out to be such a rotten child? Hm, I don't Mom and Dad maybe because I'm _treated like shit by everyone? Ever think about that?_

Going inside, I dropped Mabel's shoes at her feet in the bathroom and glared at her. She rolled her eyes and put away her lipstick. "What? Thinking about Bruce again? Are you ever going to let that go? That was like four or five years ago."

"You ruined my life." I muttered, clenching my hands into fists at my sides.

"You're so dramatic." She rolled her eyes again and grabbed her mascara. I smacked it out of her hand.

"We had to transfer schools because the school was going to expel me for disrupting class all the time! Even though I was just sitting there and it was everyone else pestering me!" I yelled. Mabel slapped me hard across the face.

"Hey kids, you okay in there?" Grunkle Stan called from the porch.

"Dipper's just being a jerk, but I got it!" Mabel called back.

"Knock it off, Dipper!" Stan warned. Before I could defend myself, Mabel gripped the front of my jacket and yanked me closer.

"No, you ruined my life!" She growled, "You're selfish and attention-seeking. Getting into those fights and always being so overdramatic over little things. You're jealous because I'm more of a people-person than you."

"I hate you, Mabel. I hate you more than you could ever understand." I spat back.

"So edgy." She mocked, shoving me away. "But I do understand because the feeling is mutual."

"I hope you choke on your food and die." I turned to leave.

"Yeah, well, I'm surprised you didn't choke and die on a dick in the school bathroom, slut." She retorted. I snapped. I spun and swung my fist at her, but she jumped back out of the way. She kicked me out into the hall and stood over me. "What? You mad I found out about how much of a whore you really are? I heard the talk at parties. I listened to my friend cry about how her boyfriend was cheating on her with some slut he paid in the bathroom at school. And, of course, it was you. You were the famous 'Bathroom Slut.'"

I growled and kicked her legs out from underneath her. She gasped as she landed on her ass. I grabbed her by the shirt this time. "Sure, I was having sex. But I certainly wasn't doing it at school. And admit it, you're a slut too. We went from Mystery Twins to Twin Sluts."

Mabel punched me in the nose and shoved me away. She tried to get up, but I grabbed her. She shrieked as I pinned her to the floor. I held her down by the neck and reared my fist back, fully intent on breaking her nose.

"Dipper!" Stan shouted, and he shoved me off of Mabel. She instantly worked up tears and began to cry into Stan, who helped her off the floor. He glared at me, "What the hell were you thinking!?"

"What's going on?" Ford rushed in, looking at the situation. He patted Mabel's shoulder in concern and waited for an explanation.

"He was yelling at me and- and then he tried to punch me!" Mabel sobbed. I pushed myself to my feet and wiped my nose, blood staining my sleeve. It wasn't the first time she made me bleed. But, of course, no one would believe that a perfect angel like her would do such a thing.

"What?" Ford looked at me in shock. "She's your sister."

"You guys are brothers, but you fought." I retorted and glared at Mabel, who flashed a smug smile at me. "Fuck yourself with a cactus, bitch."

With that said, I pushed past them and slammed the door on my way out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that this story is actually escalating faster than I was expecting. But honestly, I don't mind. I didn't want this to be very long, so I think it works. Hopefully that doesn't bother yall too much. Anyways, onto the chapter.

"Wow, look at you, Pinetree! Time flies, doesn't it?" My eyes snapped open at the voice I hoped to never hear again. I looked around to find myself in the forest where Bill's statue had been except everything was gray now. Well, except for the yellow triangle that laid in an invisible hammock in the air. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"This is just another stupid dream." I muttered to myself.

"Well... Kinda, yeah. But I am really in here with you! When you shook my beautiful statue's hand, it woke me up!" Bill floated over to the statue and patted it. "Thanks for the wake-up call, Pinetree! Also, what other dreams did you have of me? Hm?"

"I never said-"

"You said this was just another stupid dream which implies you've had dreams like this in the past! But whatever, I don't really care. What I do care about is that I'd like to make deal!"

"Why would I ever make a deal with you? I'm not letting you start Weirdmageddon again, and I don't like you." I huffed, shifting to curl up against the tree I had been sitting under.

"Just dislike? Not hate?"

"I save that word for someone else..." I grumbled. Even after all the shit Bill did, he never tortured me the way _she_ did.

"Someone worse than me? Ooh, I'd like to meet them! But all in good time. The deal I want to make has nothing to do with Weirdmageddon. Been there, done that. I'm ready for something new!" Bill landed on his stick legs beside me, leaning onto my leg with his elbow. "Ya see, Pinetree, my powers have slowly regenerated while I sat in my tomb. All I needed was someone else to release me. And I have just enough power to change into another form of mine, though I won't be able to change back for awhile... But it could be worth it."

"Another form?"

"Yes, I have many forms. One of them is a meat-sack form! I want to change into that form and experience _humanity!_ " Bill waved his hand in front of him like he just said the best idea in the world. "Of course, I'll need a meat-sack to guide me through it. That's where you come in."

"You want me to walk you around and give you a taste of human life? Do you want to die of boredom? Also, why me?"

"Yes! And I like to try new things, so let's just see how this goes. As for you, you're the only one who will understand and know how to show me the ropes. Not the kinky ropes though, maybe another day."

I rolled my eyes at his last comment. How am I supposed to teach him to be human? I'm the worst human to choose for this.

"Listen to my deal, Pinetree. You show me how to be like you meat-sacks, and I'll leave this dimension if I get bored of it. Deal?"

"There's not much in it for me, and why should I trust you?"

"What do you want out of it? And I never break deals. At least this way you can keep an eye on me."

Both are true, except he always finds loopholes. As for what I want... Well, this would keep me away from Mabel and the Shack, and I could do it merely out of spite for them. Also... "Let me think on it."

"Fine." Bill sighed in annoyance, "I'll meet you at that diner in town at nine. You better have a decision by then."

_'What other diner is there? One in the forest?'_ I thought to myself with a roll of my eyes.

Waking up, the colors of the dark forest had returned to normal. I pushed myself off the ground and stretched my sore limbs. Guess it's back to the Shack until morning.

The Mystery Shack was dark. Even the porch light was off. Not that I expected them to leave it on for me anyways. I slipped inside and rolled my eyes as I saw Stan passed out in his chair with the TV on. Mabel and Ford were no where to be seen, but then I heard Mabel giggling from her room. The room that Soos found and we argued over.

Going to my room, I flopped on the bed and draped my arm over my eyes. _'Should I take the deal or not?'_

The air was thick with tension, though I was used to that kind of atmosphere. Tense air to me was like churning butter. It starts off easy, slowly getting harder and harder to churn, but then you reach a point where it becomes a little easier again. Because you get used to it. That's what most of my life was: going through difficult things until I became numb to them. Or was that all that life was for everyone?

Stan was sitting in the kitchen, barely glancing over long enough to glare at me. Ford was nowhere to be seen. And Mabel sat in the living room watching shitty television. She glared daggers at me the entire time I was downstairs rounding up the few things I left out. I zipped up my backpack and stood in front of the TV just to piss her off more. "Not that you care, but I'm going out."

"Be careful." She forced a smile as Stan came into the living room. It was meant to sound nice to him, but I knew it was a threat. She probably hired a hit-man.

I got to Greasy's Diner almost ten minutes before nine. I wanted to be there first to enjoy some peace and coffee before whatever chaos Bill brought with him. Was it possible to back out of a deal with a demon though? Probably should've checked that at least.

"You sure I can't get you anything besides coffee?" Lazy Susan asked as she tried to refill my still full cup of coffee.

"I'm good for now, and I don't need more coffee yet." I replied quietly, pulling the cup closer to me and away from her. She hummed and moved to the next table. I stared into the black liquid for a moment before taking a sip and staring blankly at the seat across from me. I was going to make the stupidest decision I've ever made. This was going to blow up in my face like a nuclear bomb.

"Aww, you're here early! You just couldn't wait to see me, huh?" I snapped out of my thoughts at the sounds of Bill's voice. It was still the same pitch but not so demon-like. Looking up, a blonde who looked around my age stood beside the table. He wore black skinny jeans, a black dress shirt, a yellow vest, and black gloves. "I didn't want to look so formal, so I took off my tailcoat and my precious hat. I also traded pants with someone. What do ya think? Do I look good or what? Also, it's a little weird having two eyes. Now, I can wink, close them one at a time and see different angles on things. It's weird!"

He plopped into the seat across from me and set a sparkly, yellow and black backpack beside him. "Oh, and I paid some meat-sack for this. Suits me, huh?"

I blinked a few times, processing Bill's form for a moment. "Um, you look fine. Just like a meat-sack. Wait, what money did you use to pay for that?"

"I never said I used money. We made a deal. She had an essay overdue or something. Anyways, about our deal."

"Oh, hun, you didn't tell me you had a date coming. What can I get you two?" Lazy Susan smiled at us.

"We're not on a date." I shook my head, handing Bill a menu as I did so. "Do you want anything?"

"Whatever you're drinking. Aaaaannnd..." Bill scanned the menu, humming to himself. "Oh, I've never had any of this before! Could I get one of everything?"

"No. I don't have that much money."

"Fine, fine. Can I get one pancake, one waffle, one egg, one bacon, one sausage, and one French toast? Those are popular breakfast foods according to the movies." Bill looked up at Susan excitedly. Who knew a demon could be so happy over breakfast food?

"Sure, hun, how do you like your eggs?" Bill looked at me with a confused look.

"Scrambled." I answered, just wanting to get this over with.

"Okay, and I'll bring you a milkshake and slice of cherry pie to share!" She giggled.

"Not on a date!" I called after her. Whatever. "Bill, I decided on a deal. I will teach you to be human. If you no longer want to be in your human form or do human things, you will leave this dimension forever. You will not find loopholes to get out of it either. That is the deal I'm willing to make."

"I don't see much benefit for you in this other than being with me everyday, but I'm not complaining." Bill held his blue-flamed hand out, and I quickly shook it before anyone saw.

"Don't do that in front of people." I warned.

"Okay, okay. Anyways, I made up a list last night of things I want to do." Bill leaned back, resting his feet on my lap.

"Wait, but how could you-"

"I knew you were gonna do it. That's why I wanted to meet here in my human form. So, here's my list." Bill threw a folded paper onto the table. I huffed and picked it up, scanning over it. I sent him a skeptical look over the paper on a few of the activities listed. Bill's food came just as I finished, and Susan lifted her eyelid to wink at me as she set a milkshake with two straws down between us. I just rolled my eyes and ignored it as she turned.

"I think we could do most of these in just a couple days if we're lucky. But some I can't do. How do you expect me to get you in a school for a day?" I folded the paper and passed it back to Bill as he stuffed eggs into his mouth.

"We'll figure it out eventually. I'll probably be stuck like this for a couple weeks, so we've got time." Bill waved it off. "And we already got one thing done, breakfast! This is so gooooood by the way. Want some? Just kidding, this is all for me."

Two weeks? Maybe I should've asked about that beforehand. Whatever. This could be interesting. He's still a demon after all.

"If you're gonna eat that stuff, do it right." I slid the syrup over to Bill, who was about to eat the pancake. I watched him pour a pool of syrup onto the plate with a delighted grin on his face. The small amount of Mystery Twin still inside me was really curious about Bill. I could learn a lot about him. I certainly won't make the same mistakes as Ford though. But this would still probably blow up in my face...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains more sexual stuff and alcohol. (I didn't write smut but leading up to it and afterwards is there.) Oh, and crime. They steal some stuff.

First order of business was to find new clothes for Bill. So, we went to the mall, which had been on his list. Cue fitting room montage.

A pastel yellow sundress with black combat boots and a beige sunhat with a black ribbon.

Black short-als with a yellow tank top and the same boots from before.

A yellow crop top with black short-shorts and sandals.

Ripped skinny jeans with a black tank top and yellow converse.

A different yellow sun dress with black flats and shades.

Red t-shirt, dark blue vest, and gray shorts. I sent him a glare for that one.

Then Bill saw a black, leather jacket with some studs in the collar and a few spikes on the shoulders. After that, he put together the outfit he wanted for certain. Black, ripped up, skinny jeans, yellow converse, a yellow tank-top, the jacket, a black fedora, and yellow, heart-shaped sunglasses. I bought everything except the glasses, which I didn't know Bill had until we went to the bathroom to change. I just rolled my eyes and carried on.

Bill got a bunch of food from the food court. He must've had really fast metabolism because it had only been a couple hours since he ate all the food he ordered plus the milkshake and pie Susan brought. Now, he was scarfing down food from four different places like he hadn't had food for a month.

After looking through all the stores, trying all the free samples offered to him, and avoiding Mabel for half an hour, we went to the arcade. I was a little surprised at how boring some of the things Bill wanted to do were, but then I realized that humans did a lot of boring things. They don't seem boring, but everytime I remembered that Bill was a demon, it made them seem very boring. He seemed happy though, so I didn't say anything.

Bill climbed trees in the park, saw dogs and cats, smelled flowers, got stung by a bee, threw a frisbee at someone's face, burned ants with a magnifying glass, tried to eat a bug, killed a spider, drank a slushie, experienced brain-freeze, sat through half of a silent movie, listened to a guy playing the guitar on the sidewalk, and went through the museum. I was drained and all but collapsed on the bench outside the museum.

"Wow, humans really like holding onto the past, huh? Some of it was cool though! Like that fossil! So, where should we go next?" Bill paced around in front of me, hopping onto the bench beside me at the last question.

"What else is on your list?" I sighed, wanting to be done already.

"Fun stuff!" Bill leaned over and whispered, "Like crime. And the stuff you said wouldn't be possible like skydiving!"

"Are you really not bored of all this?"

"Nope, especially with the stuff that's left! So, what crimes should we commit?" Bill was uncomfortably close to my face now.

"Get out of my face and let me think." I shoved him away and stared at the people pretending to have lives, trying to think of an excuse to just be done for the day. It was almost six, maybe I could tell him humans get ready for bed around this time? But then I saw Pacifica's parents' convertible in the museum parking lot. They worked at the museum now and somehow managed to drive themselves. At least they were helping society now. But I wondered...

Standing up, I walked to the car with Bill pestering me with questions as he followed. Even over the past few years, I figured they still couldn't know much about cars. They left the top down and just as I suspected, the car keys were in the glovebox. "Hey Bill, can you leave Gravity Falls in this form?"

"Yeah, my powers will just be even more limited." He shrugged, tilting his head. "Why?"

I held up the keys and went to the driver's side. "Hop in."

"Ooh!" Bill grinned and hopped over the side of the car into the passenger seat. "We're gonna steal it?"

"Shh, we're going to return it." I felt a devious smile pull at my lips as I started the car, throwing my backpack in the backseat. "In a couple days anyway."

The sun was setting and Bill was singing with the radio except he made up all the words because he didn't actually know the songs. He was being quite obnoxious. I turned the radio off as we got closer to the city. "Do you want to stop here or not?"

"Hey!" Bill went to complain, but then shifted to look at me. "Oh, yeah. I wanna find a party! Let's get drunk, do drugs, and have one night stands!"

"I highly doubt we can get into a party." I rolled my eyes.

"Pinetree, she said we should come in!" Bill called from where he had been talking to a college student. He gestured to what I could only guess was some spoiled kid's house. Bill had convinced me to drive through some hilltop, rich people neighborhoods and got excited as he saw all the people at a house. Turned out to be a bunch of college students.

"Come on, cuties, I can get you in." The girl linked arms with Bill and held a hand out for me. I took her hand and let her pull me up the steps. "You go to college here?"

"No, we're taking a road trip before enduring another year of college in California." I quickly lied before Bill could say anything.

"Well, welcome to Oregon! Hopefully, this will be a warm welcome!" She laughed and let my hand go to open the door. Once inside, we fit in like we had been to school with them. I explained all the drinking games that people were playing and answered most of Bill's questions. I sipped on the drink given to me while Bill got pulled into a game of beer pong. He learned fast.

"Hey, I don't think I've seen you around." A guy came up to me, definitely a few more drinks in him.

"Out of town." I replied, rolling my eyes as Bill cheered for himself loudly.

"I'm Trevor. You?"

"Dipper."

"Wanna join a game of truth or dare? I actually got dared to bring someone I never met before into the group. Lame dare, right? But at least I got to meet you." That was lousy flirting, but I didn't really care. I followed Trevor into the other room and was sat between him and his girlfriend, Rebecca. I could still see Bill out of the corner of my eye though so I didn't mind. The game was pretty standard stuff. Making out, taking an item of clothing off, drinking nasty concoctions, and the like. Soon, I was wrapped up in the game and lost track of time.

I gasped for air as Trevor pulled away, panting lightly. His girlfriend grabbed my hand and tugged me towards the stairs. "Wait, wait, I need to keep an eye on my friend."

Looking around, I finally spotted Bill being held upside down while he chugged beer from a keg. The group around him all chanting and cheering. Rebecca turned my head towards them and kissed me before speaking, "He'll be fine. Let him have his fun while we have ours."

Glancing over to Bill again, I saw he was right side up now and cheering for himself. I looked to the couple and nodded, letting them pull me upstairs. It was a blur of making out and stripping as soon as we stepped inside a bedroom that was unoccupied. But before my boxers were taken off, Bill was stumbling into the room. He ran up to me and grabbed my shoulders, "Pinetree! There you are! I did not realize how drunk I could get in this form! But I wanted to...to... Mm, you smell so good."

Bill nuzzled his nose into my neck and hummed. The couple took an interest in Bill and pulled him off me. "Your friend can join if he wants. Whaddya say, wanna have some fun with us?"

"Group sex in this form? Don't mind if I do." Bill nodded and kissed Trevor. I was spun around to face Rebecca as she pushed us towards the bed.

"Let's get you ready to be our little sex toy." She grinned as she picked up a pair of fluffy handcuffs from the nightstand. Who knows who used those last. I definitely wasn't expecting the night to turn out like this, especially the part of Bill joining in. I certainly wasn't stopping it though.

Ignoring the dude passed out in the tub, I washed the mixture of bodily fluids off my torso and face in the bathroom and slipped my shirt on. Walking back to the bedroom, I saw Bill up and struggling to dress himself. I found my pants and slipped them on, sighing when Bill threw my jacket at my face. "Come on, Bill, we gotta go."

"Aww, but why?" He whined and pouted.

"Because if I know these parties then the cops will probably show up. Let's get out of here before they do." Once we were downstairs, I snagged a few different bottles of alcohol and led Bill outside.

"Where we gon' go?" Bill slurred as he stumbled into the car.

"We're going to a hotel, and I'm going to get blackout drunk."

It was easier to get a room than I expected. We acted like a newly engaged couple, high school sweethearts, and an old lady ended up paying for the room for us because we reminded her of how her and her late husband acted when they first engaged. A slight pinprick of guilt hurt my chest for that, but at least the guy at the counter gave us a discount because he thought we were so adorable together. In the room, Bill flopped on the bed and flipped through the TV channels while munching on all the vending machine snacks he got. At least that'd sober him up some. I, on the other hand, slumped in the desk chair and stared at the TV while drinking gin from the bottle. Tomorrow morning was going to suck.

_**^Bill's PoV^** _

I yawned and stretched my arms above my head as I exited the bathroom. Dipper had rolled onto his other side, so I figured he was awake and plopped down beside him, "I don't think I'll get used to the feeling of needing to go to the bathroom. Or puking, which I also just did. I suppose I forgot about those parts of the movies, though I think I recovered much faster than they did. My head still hurts though."

Looking over, Dipper didn't respond but I heard his shaky breathing. I scooted closer and leaned over to see his face, except I couldn't because his hands were covering it. "Pinetree? You good?"

My eyes widened as his body shook with a sob. "Pinetree, what's wrong? What happened?"

"Don't leave me." He whispered, muffling another sob.

"I won't. I'm right here, okay?" I laid down and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him against me. _'What does he mean? Leave him in bed? Leave him forever? What's going on with him?'_


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hangovers, graffiti, cop chase, getting high, and having sex while high. (I didn't write the sex just what led up to it.)

_**¥Dipper's PoV¥** _

Even the toilet flushing hurt my head. I leaned back against the bathroom wall and wiped my mouth on a towel. The hotel door beeped and unlocked, followed up by Bill announcing he was back. He came into the bathroom and turned on the light, making me groan for him to shut it back off. "Okay, I got water and bananas. They didn't have any of the other stuff though. Oh, and here's the pills from your bag."

I took the painkillers before eating one of the bananas. "Thanks..."

"Are you...okay? You didn't really explain last night." Bill sat on the counter and stared down at me in concern.

"I don't know what you mean. All I remember of last night is you getting us into the party, blurs of group sex, and then an old lady paying for our room. Now, I feel like shit." I shrugged and ate the last of the banana, throwing the peel away.

"So you don't remember sobbing and asking me not to leave you?"

I furrowed my eyebrows as a fuzzy memory came to mind. "No... I must've been sleep-talking."

"Still, you were clearly upset." Bill seemed skeptical. Why does he care so much about this?

"Look, I have nightmares, okay? Just forget it happened." I sighed in annoyance and slowly got to my feet. "Now, I'm going to set an alarm and try to get more sleep before we have to leave. My hangover should be calmed down by then."

The alarm clock was fussy, but I got it to set an alarm eventually. I lied down and shut my eyes, hoping to just fall asleep. The bed dipped beside me and arms wrapped around my middle. "What are you doing?"

"Not leaving you."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, shifting onto my side to face away from Bill. "Whatever."

We went to the theater and snuck into a movie after leaving the hotel. I didn't feel like running around yet, though I felt much better. I also had to explain that the people in the movie were actors and the movie wasn't real. It was all sets, props- yes, that guy didn't really just die on camera- makeup, and CGI. After that, we had lunch and may have stolen a few snacks from a convenient store. We paid for a few so we weren't too suspicious. Then I sat in the car on the college campus because somehow Bill convinced the girl that got us into the party to let him join her for a class.

"How was your first day of school?" I teased as Bill hopped into the car.

"The professor kicked me out because I made a few too many flirty remarks to him." Bill snickered. "I think he secretly liked it though."

"Well, you're never going to see him again. So, where to next?" I started the car and waited for Bill to pull out his list. Except he just looked at me with big, puppy dog eyes. "What's with that face?"

"Pinetree... Will you teach me how to drive?"

"I thought you knew how?"

"I had magic and that wasn't a normal car! Teach me how to drive!" Bill whined and shook my arm.

"Alright, alright, I'll find an empty lot or something. Stop shaking me." I pushed his hands away and rolled my eyes.

"That was easier than I thought!" Bill clapped happily.

"You're gonna give me whiplash." I huffed in annoyance as Bill hit the brakes again. "Just barely press the gas, okay? Then slowly apply the brakes if you need. Don't just slam on them."

"Alright, alright." The car slowly began to move into a crawl.

"Go a bit faster, at least twenty. Then before you get to the end of the lot, turn your right blinker on and turn right. Go to the end and park." I instructed. Bill nodded and hummed to himself as the car picked up speed. "Don't forget to slow down before you turn. Don't drive like Mabel."

"Ah, I almost forgot about Shooting Star. How is she?"

"Let's not ruin the fun we're having." I tried not to let my hate for her seep into my sarcastic tone. "Just focus on driving."

"Okay, feisty." Bill mumbled. He slowed down, turned the left blinker on, quickly changing it to the right one, and turned the car. He sped back up to twenty until we neared the end of the abandoned parking lot and came to a stop in between the faded yellow lines. He put the car in park and turned to me with a grin. "I did it!"

"Nice." I held my hand up for a high-five that Bill quickly slapped as hard as he could. "Just remember all that other stuff I told you about signs and things. Also, the faster you go the longer it'll take to slow down. And always use your blinker. I think I pretty much taught you everything about driving."

"Awesome! Let's go break into that building now!" Bill hopped out of the car and ran towards what looked like it used to be some store. I followed Bill, grabbing the keys he forgot, and took my homemade lockpick out of my backpack. Bill shook the door and pressed his face against the painted over glass, though it looked like some of it had chipped away. It took me a minute to unlock the door, and I opened it for Bill, gesturing for him to go inside. "Wow, dark."

Turning the flashlight on my phone on, I found my other flashlight in my bag and handed it to Bill. "I'm like a boy scout: always prepared."

"Do you haaaaaave spray paint?" Bill grinned mischievously, eyeing a blank piece of wall that hadn't been covered in graffiti yet.

"I only have black and blue. And I'm assuming you'll want black since I don't have yellow?" I handed the black spray paint over and Bill hopped over to the blank wall. I walked around broken shelves and lights to find another place to tag.

"Sooo, why do you seem to have everything I need for crime?" Bill asked, voice echoing into the darkness.

"This is my habit bag. That's all I'm going to say." I replied and shook the can of paint as I found a blank area. I usually used black for the lines and blue for the spots, but I guess I was just going to make it all blue this time. I dropped my bag and held my phone in my left hand to paint with my right. Probably should've brought masks with me but all well.

"Hey, I'm pretty good at this!" Bill called, "I'd say I look rather handsome. Wait- Aw man, that line's crooked! I still pull it off though."

I rolled my eyes and ignored him. It only took me about a minute to finish and snap the lid back on the can. It was my birthmark, the big dipper. Quick and easy.

"Why don't you paint a pine tree instead?" Bill's voice sounded right behind me. I looked back at him, shining my light on him and chuckling when I blinded him.

"I grew to like my birthmark." I shrugged, not wanting to get into it.

"Because of the red-head?" I could hear Bill roll his eyes as he leaned against me.

"Do I detect jealousy? Wait, how do you know about that?" I took a step away and looked at him.

"Maybe I am a bit. And I've been in your head a few times now, I learned a few things. You showed her your birthmark, you hate being called a kid, and you hated that they teased you for going through puberty."

"Well, everyone goes through puberty! Why was it suddenly not okay when I hit it?" I snapped, not at Bill but at the memories. "I was a scared kid and instead of comforting me, they teased me relentlessly! I was always being teased! By family, by friends, by classmates. For going through puberty, for not being some manly man at twelve, for my stupid birthmark, for liking a guy, for crying in school, for standing up for myself, for everything!"

Slapping my hand over my mouth, I dropped the paint and tried to call myself down before I cried. I glanced up at Bill, who had widened eyes and the rest of his expression hard to decipher from the shadows cast over his face. I turned my back to him and tried to take deep breaths to calm myself down. I couldn't believe I got riled up so easily over something so stupid. I suppose it was just bottled up inside me for a long time and trying to escape. After I steadied my breathing, I snatched up the paint I dropped and put it away. "I didn't want to get into that. Let's just go back to Gravity Falls now. It's getting late, and I doubt I'll be able to get us another hotel room."

"Dipper." Bill grabbed my forearm gently. Both the action and name catching me off guard. I looked at Bill, who pulled me a little closer and turned his light on the constellation on the wall. "I'm not a therapist, but just talk to me? Just tell me about this at least."

I hesitated, staring at the constellation for a few moments. "Bill, you don't... Fine. Whatever. I still hate my birthmark, but I want to like it. There. Plain and simple as that. Let's just go now."

My gaze moved to the floor, silently scolding myself for letting any of what I said slip out. It ruined the fun we were having, and Bill definitely thought I was still just a kid. Maybe I really was. Bill sighed and let me go, "Alright, let's go."

I put the other can away and the flashlight Bill had as we made our way towards the front entrance. Bill stopped me again and picked up a broken, metal pipe, holding it out to me. "I'm surprised these glass doors weren't already broken. Would you care to do the honors?"

"I'm gonna blame you if I get hurt for this stupid thing I'm agreeing to." I tried to bring humor into my tone to help lighten the mood, which he was clearly trying to do. I took the pipe, got a good grip on it, and swung it at the glass. The glass shattered and sunlight streamed through the broken door. The sky was turning orange and yellow as the sun slowly settled down for bed. There was something beautiful to me about abandoned, man-made things and nature. The orange glow of the sun on the cracked, pothole covered parking lot and the way it came in through the broken glass, lighting up the inside of the old shopping center. "Wow..."

"Feeling better already, I see. Now, break the other one!" Bill encouraged, bouncing on his feet. I reared the pipe back again and smashed the other door. It was just as satisfying as the first one. I took my phone out and snapped a picture of the view. Bill then insisted I take a picture of him too. At least I could remember this. I threw the pipe as hard as I could across the store and led Bill outside.

"Thanks, Bill." I rubbed the back of my neck, cracking a faint smile.

"No problem, Pinetree! Let's go break more laws!" Bill cheered and ran towards the car. I followed with a small chuckle and hopped in the driver's seat.

"Let's see how fast this car can get us back to Gravity Falls." I suggested, which made Bill nod excitedly. He took our hats and set them in his lap so they wouldn't fly off.

"Turn up the radio and let's gooooo!"

Well, we sort of did. It wasn't until we left most of the buildings and houses behind before I floored it. I didn't want to hit a dog or kid on those back roads so I barely went ten over the limit. But now, I didn't care and drove as fast as I wanted. Bill put his hands up into the wind after turning the radio up more. "This is so exhilarating! We should really go wild, Pinetree! Let's get those body art things- what are they? Tattoos! Yeah! And we could cut and dye our hair crazy colors! And- and rob a bank!"

"I won't do anything as crazy as robbing a bank, but I'd be down for the other stuff. We'd just need the money for tattoos..." I hummed to myself in thought. Then I heard sirens and saw flashing lights in the rearview mirrors. "Shit."

"Aw, man... Our fun is ruined..." Bill pouted and crossed his arms over his chest.

"No."

"What?"

"Just hold on." I pressed my foot down on the gas, turning off the cruise control since I wouldn't need it anymore. Bill bounced excitedly and clapped his hands.

"Car chase!" I rolled my eyes but couldn't help the grin forming on my face. My heart was pounding in my chest just as fast as I was driving it seemed. Adrenaline coursed through me, giving me a high I didn't know I craved until I had it. Could I actually get away though? That uncertainty was part of the fun.

The sun had gone down, only the last rays lighting up the horizon. At least that would make it harder for the cops to identify us. The dark would help us escape too. Hopefully. Or did I want to be caught? No, not today at least. I could see the lights of a town we had passed through before. I hated freeways, so we had only been on back roads. Less traffic, especially right now.

Perhaps I could swerve onto some road near town and find a dark alley to park in if the cop was too far to see me do that. Like in the movies. I glanced over at Bill, who was hollering at the top of his lungs. His face had to hurt from how often he grinned like a maniac. Or maybe we could...

"Hey, Bill, is there any magic you could use to help?"

"I'm not sure. What do you want me to do?"

I could see headlights farther ahead. A car was driving on the other side of the road. There was another car at an intersection, waiting to turn but stopped at the sight of us. "Could you make that car pull out into the road and the other swerve towards our side a bit?"

"I can try." Bill grinned.

"Okay, do it..." We passed the intersection with the car waiting to turn. "Now!"

Bill snapped his fingers with a maniacal laugh. I heard tires squealing and honking behind us and glanced in the mirror. The front of the two cars were smashed together, blocking the cop from coming after us. The people inside seemed okay because they got out to yell at each other. We high-fived and laughed. "Next time, let's see just how long we can go because that was a bit too short. But still, I can't believe you did that! You're bad, Pinetree! I like this new you!"

"Thank you, thank you." I laughed. It had been so long since I felt like this. Maybe this was a good idea after all. "We'll park the car somewhere and just cool off a bit. Maybe find some food too."

"Aww, but I want to keep having fun!" Bill pouted and whined.

"We will. But I'm having a hard time driving now and I don't know if we can get lucky again. Let's just calm down, and you can look over your list." I slowed down as I turned and drove on the outskirts of the town. I was shaky from the adrenaline and getting hungry finally. I could barely focus on the road because of my racing thoughts. My first cop chase was a success. I couldn't believe I worked up the nerve to do that. Usually I pulled over and got a ticket. But Bill was certainly an influence that I liked to have around.

Finally finding an old, empty park, I parked the car, turned off the radio, and sagged against the seat. I took deep breaths to try to calm myself. One look at Bill had us both laughing though.

"I didn't know you had the guts to even think of that! You're a changed tree, Pinetree!"

"Yeah, well you should've seen your face! I'm surprised you didn't get bugs in your mouth with how much you were grinning and hollering! You looked like an idiotic maniac!"

"I am a maniac!" We sat there laughing and panting out barely coherent sentences for what felt like hours. It was really only about ten minutes, but that was the longest I had ever laughed. Everytime our eyes met, we just laughed. I wasn't even sure why. Is this what having a friend is supposed to feel like? 'Cause it hurts my face and sides.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "Okay, okay... We've gotta stop. It hurts."

"I never knew laughing could hurt so much." Bill stifled a giggle.

"I can't remember the last time I laughed like that. Or had this much fun. Maybe I never have before." I admitted, daring to look at Bill again. My sore face pulled into a smile.

"See? I'm great to have around!" Bill almost laughed but groaned and hugged his stomach instead. "Why does it hurt?"

"The price of too much fun, I guess." I shrugged, rubbing my face to ease the ache. "And you really aren't so bad to be around."

"I can't take you seriously when you look like such a dork." Bill squished up his cheeks with his hands to mock me. I rolled my eyes and punched his arm. "What? It's true."

"I know, I know." I hummed in amusement. "All that excitement actually made me hungry. Let's find food, though I suggest we walk to be safe. Don't want to get caught now."

"Agreed." Bill nodded. After walking to the closest fast food joint and ordering to go, we made our way back to the park while Bill looked over his list. "Let's see... Ah, perfect! I even saw some in your backpack! At least I'm pretty sure those were drugs..."

"You went through my backpack?" I half-glared at Bill, focusing more on the French fries I was eating.

"Just a peek." He shrugged with a slight smile. "I wanted to see what all was in your "habit bag" as you called it. You were so into that song on the radio that you didn't even notice me looking through it!"

I blushed and punched his arm. "Shut up... But yeah, I have weed. It calms me. Why should I share?"

"Because getting high with a friend is more fun?" Bill smiled, giving me puppy-dog eyes.

"Only if you stop going through my things."

"Deal!" Bill's hand lit up in flames. I rolled my eyes as I shook his hand.

"I saw a town map and there seems to be some overlook a few miles away. Let's see if it's empty. At least we have snacks and stuff for when we get the munchies."

The mountain overlook was empty. It seemed the dirt road to get up to it wasn't used too often. People must've forgotten about it, which was a shame for them because the view was beautiful. The town looked amazing with all its lights on. And being up in the mountains meant you could see so many stars in the sky and the full moon gave us enough light to see.

I got tired of the radio and put in the only CD I had, turning it on low. I just needed a background noise besides the crickets and frogs. We laid the seats back and stared up at the stars, watching our smoke float through the air. Smoke was mesmerising to watch. Whenever I burned incense sticks, I could only sit and watch the smoke. I couldn't focus on anything else. It was the same with flames. I played with my lighter a lot just to stare at the flame flicker and dance.

"Don't burn yourself." Bill commented, eyes rimmed red and glazed over. I flicked the lighter shut and rolled my eyes.

"Like you would care." I snorted, blowing smoke up into the air and watching it swirl away.

"Oh, yeah? How do you know?" I simply shrugged, not wanting to respond.

"Is there anything you want to do while high or do you just want to lie here?" I changed the subject after a moment.

"You know, this has been a lot of fun. More fun than Weirdmageddon even." Bill's voice was much calmer when he was high.

"Yeah right." I chuckled and punched his arm softly.

"I'm serious! I always thought you meat-sacks were boring and stupid. But doing all this stuff with you has been fun. I've experienced touch and emotions. How awesome is that? Most demons are just filled with anger or pride or greed. Pretty much any of the seven deadly sins. But I'm truly experiencing what happiness and fun are like." Bill's gaze met mine, and he smiled.

"Well, you're not experiencing true humanity. True humanity sucks. Working, going to school, paying taxes, all of the boring things humans have to do. What we're doing is vacation, but that can't last forever." I tore my gaze away to stare up at the sky again. "Trust me, once you run out of new experiences, you'll be all too happy to return to your tortilla chip form."

"Wha- hey!" Bill laughed and punched my arm. "I'm not a chip! For that, I'm stealing your weed."

Bill waved the Ziploc bag full of weed from the cup holders in my face and got out of the car.

"Hey!" I jumped out of the car and stamped my joint into the ground. I ran around the car and tackled Bill, trying to pull the bag from his hand. "Do you know how much money I spent on that?"

"If you're going to laugh at me and call me a chip, then I should get to have this." Bill rolled over, pinning me underneath him. We rolled around in the grass and fought for the bag. Bill giggled the entire time while I couldn't help but to grin. Finally, I got on top of Bill and pinned him down.

"Gotcha." I panted.

"And I certainly don't mind." Bill smirked, his eyes trailing down to where my legs straddled his waist.

"You were just being sappy like two seconds ago. What is your deal?" I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"Well, I don't know if you noticed, but I can have some intense mood swings."

"Really? Wow, I never would've guessed." I said sarcastically, remembering how quickly he'd turn red and back to yellow again all those years ago. I stuck my tongue out at him and glanced around, spotting the bag a couple feet away. I jumped off him and grabbed the bag, going back to the car. "Steal from someone else, Dorito." 

I looked back but didn't see Bill. Suddenly his arms wrapped around my waist, his body pressing up against my back. "Horny bastard."

"I don't hear a no." His breath hit my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

"I don't think you've heard a yes either." I pointed out.

"Then give me an answer, Pinetree." I could feel his lips barely brushing against my neck. Shit. He was being sappy, then we were goofing off, now this? How does it all change so quickly?

"Yes." I whispered. He spun me around by my hips and pressed me up against the car. I gasped at the sudden movements, giving him the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. I dropped the Ziploc bag into the front seat and wrapped my arms around his neck. When he pulled away, I panted lightly and met his gaze. "Just to be clear, this isn't going to become a habit. One time thing, okay?"

"Whatever you say, Pinetree."


End file.
